Dear SuHaeng Ja,
I met this woman at a friend's party a few weeks ago and we really hit it off. We hung out together for the whole party—it felt like we'd always been friends, it was so natural. She had a great sense of humor, we even exchanged phone numbers so we could meet up again. But, when I called her a few days later, I couldn't help feeling like I was getting brushed off. What happened to that spark we had the other night?
Searching for the Spark
Dear Searching for the Spark,
Congratulations on making a powerful connection! Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to cultivate that spark and turn it into a flame. This will require you to let go a little bit. It can be very tempting to try to make this fit your hopes and wishes for a particular form of relationship. But the energy of love is not limited by form. This may or may not be the woman of your dreams, but treating this relationship right could help your dreams come true.
Try discovering the joy and meaning in this new connection, rather than assigning meaning to it. How did you react when you were by yourself? Did you start visualizing possibilities of a life with this person? Did you start thinking about whether this person is “the one”? If this was going on in your mind it could negatively affect the energy of your new connection. The spark can only become a flame if it has air, some room to breathe.
You may have been interacting with her before you even spoke on the phone. You say you “felt” like you were getting brushed off, but it may have little to do with her actions. Your feelings are susceptible to your preconceptions and beliefs. That’s why it’s not healthy to make someone else responsible for your feelings. No matter what she said or did, your “response” is your choice. Put another way, your feelings are your response-ability.
Before any future communications, I recommend you take a little time to pause and reflect on your own thoughts and actions in this situation. Regardless of how things turn out with her, you have to love yourself. Relationships are good, but you don’t need one to be complete. On an energy basis, you are inherently connected to the world around you. All that you experience is a reflection of you. So bring your focus back to yourself. Try this meditative trick.
Take a deep breath and slowly exhale through your mouth. Repeat twice, releasing as many thoughts as possible when you exhale.
Next, as you breathe imagine you are exhaling through spaces in and around your body. The spaces in and around your ears, the space around your neck, around and under your arms, between your fingers, and so on.
Keep breathing and exhaling like this for 2 more minutes. Now you will begin to create healthy space for growth in your relationship.
What in the world is a SuHaeng Ja?
SuHaeng Ja: soo-hang jah (n.) One who practices SuHaeng
SuHaeng: soo-hang (v.) 1. Performing an action with sincerity and intention to grow.
(n.) 2. Any practice, such as walking, observing, meditating or exercising, done with commitment and consistency.