Dear SuHaeng Ja,
I consider myself a polite and kind person, I follow the golden rule and do unto others as I would have them to do unto me, but I still don't have any close friends. I feel like I'm all alone. What am I doing wrong?
Sincerely,
Friendless at the Fringe
Dear Friendless,
I'm glad you asked this question. Because many people feel the same way. The answer to your question is this: You are doing something to effect this situation, but it’s not necessarily wrong. It’s just not intentional.
The key here is what you believe and "feel" about your life situation. You could be surrounded by friends, but because you believe you have no friends and this is supported by your feelings, you are manifesting a state friendlessness.
Some people experience this belief and feeling combination during transitions in their life like a new school, new job, or when their children are grown and the house is empty. No matter when it happens, it doesn’t feel good. But there is good news! It is a temporary situation that changes as soon as you begin to shift your belief. This often happens naturally as people adjust to their new situation.
Would you like to speed up the process? First, take stock of what a “friend” means to you. Maybe you can be more flexible about your definition. Maybe you can start counting the “friendly” people you encounter as potential friends.
Let’s try a little visualization. Make a list of the friendly people you have encountered. You don’t need to know their names. When you recall each person’s face, smile. Imagine how it would feel to be friends with them. Smile as you imagine talking to them or going out or laughing at a movie together. Exhale deeply and tell yourself “I’m glad I have so many friends!”
What in the world is a SuHaeng Ja?
SuHaeng Ja:soo-hang jah (n.) One who practices SuHaeng
SuHaeng:soo-hang (v.) 1. Performing an action with sincerity and intention to grow.
(n.)
2. Any practice, such as walking, observing, meditating or exercising, done with commitment and consistency.